Why I'm Atheist

Some have asked me why I'm an Atheist. Let me tell a story that might be familiar to some, but a twist, and this story might explain how I came to be atheistic.

When I was young, I was told that way back in history there was a thing that was not human but human like, and not a man from Mars that had a body of flesh and bone, but no blood or other life sustaining stuff who for some unexplained reason snapped his fingers and all of space and time was created. That got me thinking of what this might have looked like. Picture the void of blackness of non-space and a thing named God decided that it was too boring to be alone. So he thought back to some unexplained prior time when he learned everything there is to know, like physics, geophysics, biology, geology, astrophysics, hydrology, botany, chemistry, etc. He experimented with this knowledge to create spirits to surround him. Well after they replicated like rabbits, he needed to find a place to put them all, after all, non-space can get rather crowded. 

He set out experimenting again and whether on purpose or by accident there was this very big bang. Atoms started to move and collide or binding with others to create gases. Some of these gases collapsed to form bright stars and others collided and solidified to form solid core and molten core orbs, black holes, quasars, galaxies, and the other elements of the universe. Well the cramped spirits did not like the orb that they were to be exiled to. 

So this God went back to work and with much trial and error got photo plankton to gel in H20, but that was not enough. He figured out how to divide the cell and the thing got away from him and before long there was all these mulit-celled organisms swimming about. The spirits protested that they did not want to spend eternity suspended in water on some third rock from a bright star. With some more experiments, some of these more complex organisms developed into plants and simple animals roaming on the cooling rock of a planet. 

Once again his experiment got out of hand and some of these organisms grew to huge sizes. He saw that if they kept reproducing, they would fill every part of the planet. What was he to do. He will have them eat each other and other living things, that would take care of that problem. After a short time he realized that idea worked, but they were still out of hand. He figured that if he bent the magnetic field of this planet, a large asteroid could hit the planet and cause all these huge animals to die out and he could start over again. 

He saw that the small mammals were still alive after this big kill off. Well he figured that must be the way to go to create an organism that could house all these spirits. After days and days of hard work, he came up with a few prototypes. Some with big heads, others with long arms, others that could walk on just two feet. That was it, he was onto something. I'll call one Adam and the next model Eve. These new models were acceptable, but the spirits didn't want to leave their space, why inhabit a freak'n body that will die out soon? This God had to come up with some plan to incentives these spirits to go to this planet. He issued a memo and told them that he was God and he can do anything he wants, period. So he commands them to fill these bodies and make them subservient to him. If they do everything he says, then when the physical body dies, the spirits can return home to their space. If they didn't then the spirit would go straight to hell, wherever that is. Well they didn't want to go to hell, so the spirits started to infiltrate these organisms and gave them intelligence, of sorts, but they also fucked like rabbits. Just like the giant monsters he accidentally made earlier, he manipulated the genetic code and introduce hate, anger, and jealousy so they too would kill each other like the other mistakes he made. That almost took care of the over population problem he foresaw. But he needed something else to control the population, so he went back to work in the lab and came up with these deadly bacteria and viruses and spread them around the planet. There these little buggers will kill off enough in a slow and painful way to teach them to behave. "I'll make them think I'll inject them with these bugs for not keeping my commandments." Loving, isn't he... 


There was a great side benefit to the self killing and bugs. It was great sport. Just imagine him kicking it back with a few brewskies, a bowl of chips and watching these poor spirits going after each other, just like the Superbowl. 

Well after several millenniums he figured he should stop the killing, slow down the fucking, and get them re-focused to his plan, but every thing he did with the genetic code did not work. "Oh Christ!" he yelled in frustration. Well he figured he would send someone to the planet to convince these spirits that killing, cheating, and other nasty things should be avoided. So he called over this spirit and said, hay you, you are going to be my son and teach these idiots not to do all these things, I sent them the rules ages ago to a white haired dude, but they didn't listen to him for very long. The spirit asked what his name would be? God responded again "Jesus, I don't care, pick one." The spirit asked who his parents will be. "Let's see..." God looked around the planet and saw this foxy babe shacking up with this guy, but he was gay and never touched her. "Hey dude, you've been married to Mary for how many years, and never had sex with her, she's a virgin? Wow, dude, that just doesn't make sense. Are you gay or something? Dude, she's the hottest babe in the village. And what an ass, oh I mean donkey."


Well this God has no blood so how is he going to get wood to impregnate this babe? Immaculate Conception or is that Immaculate Ejaculation, whatever... I'll sneak into her room, use some GHB to drug her while I slip my tiny little prick into her. It's so small that it won't tear her hymen and she will be so surprised when her belly starts to grow and kick. The dude she is shacking up with will be freaked trying to figure how this could have happened, he couldn't get a woody with her, even if he wanted to, he was just not interested. 

“As far as this life is concerned, [Jesus] was born of Mary and of Elohim; he came here as an offspring of that Holy Man who is literally our Father in heaven.  He was born in mortality in the literal and full sense as the Son of God.  He is the Son of his father in the same sense that all mortals are the sons and daughters of their fathers.”
-    Apostle Bruce R. McConkie, Mortal Messiah, v. 1, p. 330

BTW: Does this count as adultery? After all she was married to Joseph at the time. Isn't adultery an unforgivable sin or one of the deadly sins? Can't you be excommunicated from the church for adultery? If yes, then why wasn't Mary and Elohim excommunicated, if that's the law? Wouldn't Jesus be an illegitimate child, also known as a bastard child in the mortal world? Come to think of it, Elohim was an absentee father... Did he pay child support to Mary and Joseph, or just left them with all the cost and trouble? Today the courts would go after him. To bad the statutes of limitation have run out, the decedents might have a case.


All she remembers is some cool dude giving her a drink, and out she went. But giving birth was a bitch, she still had her hymen and it hurt like hell. She yelled "God damn it, you better not touch me again!" Well we all know the rest of the story and we are asked to believe this fable as truth and fact.

Well this God could see that there was not enough violence among his followers, so he sent down several prophets to mix things up a bit. Each one of them were told they are the true faith and the others are fake. The battle to prove who is the true faith began. What a war... millions dead and millions maimed in his name. Such a great idea. 



 
There was this great conflict between learning about freedom, democracy, our history of slavery and how wrong it was. But I was being told that I was a slave to this God. I had to do everything he said. He said nothing to me, just humans saying things to me proclaiming they were said by this God. I figured this God was rather dumb given the frailty of human and animal bodies. The destruction, pain, and death caused by his human overlords professing to be prophets that speak to him or he to them regularly.

BTW: Did Mary regrow her hymen and remain a virgin her entire life? Her and Joseph never got it on, ever? Was Jesus an only child? If they did have sex, then there should be siblings, right? Were are the brothers and sisters? No mention... Doesn't make sense since they had no birth control in those days...


Well after considerable thought, it just did not make any sense, contradicted every law of physics, and sounded so bizarre that I could not accept it. I was not going to allow myself into slavery to some unknown thing called God or Elohim.