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Saturday, December 5, 2009

SATIRE: Fraternal Brotherhood of Dirty Old Men.

The following article is a complete satire and has NO truth or fact in it. It is for humor only.


A niece of mine posted a status on my FB page how she hates old men hitting on her, I assume at work. And also old men that give the thumbs up to them. "It creeps me out." she said. Well in the interest of openness that Pres. Obama has encouraged all of us to be, I must now reveal with great potential of harm to my life, what the Thumbs Up really means.

I am the Grand Wizard of the Fraternal Brotherhood of Dirty Old Men (FBDOM). We use to be part of the Mason's, but when they went main stream, we broke away. We use to meet in the old Alta Club until they had to change to a co-ed organization in the '70s. So today we meet in strip clubs and GoGo bars. When a male turns 40 years of age, they are invited to become an apprentice of the organization. As an apprentice you learn how to look, without looking like your looking,  and how to look in the mirror and think your younger and in better shape than you are. We have a coop for purchasing or renting Babe Cars like corvettes and other expensive sports cars that we think attracts younger women. We learn how to color our graying hair and try to act younger than our years. We wear our shirts with the top four buttons undone showing our hairy chest with lots of gold chains hanging from our necks. All in hope that we will feel younger and be able to bait and pick up 20 something chicks. What is a secret is that our members can rent all the accessories needed to accomplish this task.

After an Apprentice has accumulated 1,000 points by acquiring correctly fragranced panties of these young women; the sexier the panty, the more points you get and when you reach the age of 50, you can ask the Overlord Council to become a Master Baiter. When accepted as a Master Baiter, you continue your training in seducing younger women, discounts at major hotels for hourly rates, and cheap Viagra.

FBDOM has a sorority of young women who enjoy the attention and money of Dirty Old Men. We call them the Gold Bricklayers. The hand signal to identify members of this sorority is the thumbs up signal. If they reply with a thumbs up also, then there is hope for a hookup. However, if they reply with a middle finger, then obviously they are not interested or a member.

Well, I've probably exposed too much of our secret society. But if any of you who want to join, just call 1-800-555-1212 for an application or let me know.

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