Tears and heart ache, the passage of life.

Today is not a joyous day for me. A day when children and adults let their hair down and have fun. For us dog lovers, and I assume cat and other pet lovers, can have a bond that runs very deep, especially for those of us who do not have human children.  We dress them up in costumes for Halloween and Christmas and talk to them like humans.

However, today I had to make a very hard decision about what I considered my child, Toby, my 16 year old Schnauzer, to put him down today. These decisions are always deep in emotion and so very difficult to make. This is the third loving dog I've had to put down in my adult life. Hush Puppy reached an old age for a large dog of 15 years and crippled with hip displasia, Tyler was 11 years old and had diabetes and seizures that destroyed his cognitive part of his brain. An now today, it was Toby's time. Two years ago at Thanksgiving, he awoke from a very deep sleep and was unable to stand up, walk, and eat. He had a stroke. With a little time and therapy,  he recovered much of his abilities, tho he still would walk in circles and had to concentrate hard to walk straight. There was a time he reached about 90% of his old self. But this last year he has gradually lost strength in his rear legs and the past month unable to get himself up and would fall when trying to walk. Last night I spent the night helping him up and steadying him so he could eat, drink, pee and poop. It was obvious that he had reached the limit of his abilities.

What makes it especially hard is that mentally he was still a young dog and so wanted to jump and play. He would get excited when I came home from work, trying to get up and jump to greet me, only to fall on his side and not be able to get up without some help. He still liked to sleep on my chest and at times watch TV. That is what makes it so much harder say good bye. It was very much the same when my father was ill and I had to say good bye to him the night he died.

It is hard to express the relationship one has with a pet. They are always there to comfort you, entertain you, and love you, unconditionally. Toby was the runt of the litter and fought hard for his place at the dinner table. We knew the moment we saw him that he had something special about him, he was a fighter. He was only 8 weeks old. We took him to Island Park in Idaho for a fun weekend at a friends cabin. While in West Yellowstone, females would come up to me as I held him in the palm of my hand wanting to pet him and ah and goo over him. He loved the attention, as much as I did. A few months after we got him, we could see he needed a friend to play with while we were at work. So we brought home another Schnauzer named Tyler. At first the two fought for the Alpha dog position and little Toby won that argument. Tyler was happy with his place in the pack and I made sure he got as much attention as Toby. Even though Toby was the alpha dog, he loved to be chased by Tyler, who was a bit smarter than Toby. Tyler would get him running in circles around the couch, then Tyler would stop and Toby would continue with a couple of laps, until Tyler would jump him as he went by. They were the best of friends. After Tyler died, Toby settled in for quieter times. I was never as good as Tyler in chasing him or play fighting, but it was acceptable. Like most dogs, he loved to go for rides in the car or camping in the motor home. If we opened the door and said "Let's go" he would be right there in the car ready for a new adventure. When he was a puppy, I would put him on my lap as I worked at my computer. As he grew, it became more difficult, but he would do his best to sleep on my lap. Eventually he was too heavy for that so he ended up sleeping at my feet in my office. I will miss this little dog. He gave me so much love and comfort. But I know his energy is with Tyler, Hush Puppy and Dad, so I will feel their energy when I sleep. 

Some people look at me strangely because to them an animal is just that. But I know there can be this very special bond between dogs and humans that has led to the old saying "Man's best friend."

So if you see me mopping around or crying, this is the reason for it.

I thank all our friends who have looked after Toby through out the years and during our last vacation. I know it was not easy. I also thank all of you for your support and love.

Judy and I will get another companion next spring. It is easier to house train them in warmer weather than in the winter. What kind I'm not sure. It will be a small one again, maybe Schnauzers, but Judy doesn't like their barking and disobedient nature. She wants one that is more trainable to be calm around strangers. I like Schnauzers because they are so affectionate and playful. But at times hard to keep up with as we get older ourselves.